


Explore My Heart Like One Of Your Urban Exploration Vlogs

by Aerobabey



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eddie is 18 and Richie is 20, Eddie is trans, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, Richie is a vlogger, Richie is in a band with the other losers, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Suicide Attempt, Trans Eddie Kaspbrak, Trans Male Eddie Kaspbrak, Transphobia, i'll add warnings in the beginnings of chapters as well, please let me know if i missed tagging anything, so the rating will change as the story progresses, so will smut, special thanks to my friend geeky for beta reading!, that will come in later, urban explorer au, use of the t slur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:00:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22063672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerobabey/pseuds/Aerobabey
Summary: Edward Kaspbrak wants to end it all. Eighteen years of abuse and seclusion all thanks to his mother has lead him over the edge. Literally. He finds himself on the roof of an abandoned hospital a hike away from his hometown when an unexpected guest stops him in his tracks. Will he push the annoyance away, or will they become unlikely friends- or even lovers?(AKA I saw someone make a mood board for urban explorer reddie and I fell in love with the idea.)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	1. Let Me Fall- Into Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my friend Geeky for helping me beta this and the first half of chapter two that I have hashed out right now! Also for giving me the idea to make Richie a Vlogger. This is my first fic after dropping out of the bnha fandom, so I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER  
> -Major description of attempted suicide (basically, Eddie is just standing on the ledge of a building contemplating. He doesn't actually jump)  
> -Lots of mentions of Sonia's A+ parenting  
> -Use of the T slur

The cool wind whipped across pale skin as it made its way through the air, effectively whipping now dirt-covered clothes around in the process. 

Edward Kaspbrak was there for a reason. Brown eyes looking down at the broken concrete surrounding the building on all sides. A several page note was clutched tightly in his hand, breath held as he amped himself up. 

He came here for a reason. It was secluded, abandoned in the middle of the woods, the only entrance a winding, dirt road. It wasn't too far from his home, an easy hike, with his useless inhaler and medication in his fanny pack. As if any of that would protect him from any of the germs that might actually be festering within the old dilapidated building. Not that it mattered.

Soon he would just be some splattered entrails on the cement. 

That is what he came here for, isn't it? What he had planned for so long? Finally away from the abuse he suffered for eighteen years. Eighteen years of his mother telling him he was sick before he even began feeling off in his body. Of his mother refusing to let him have friends outside of school in fear of others finding out about her 'Tranny child'. Of his mother misgendering and deadnaming him. Of his mother lashing out and guilt-tripping him if he spoke out against her. Eighteen years for him to finally put his foot down and end it all.

No one but his mother would notice anyway. 

One small step and it would all be over. The small boy laughed at the thought. Would he laugh on the way down as well? Would he think he was flying before his body hit the concrete and he was enveloped in nothingness?

His shoulders shook, knees weak as he crouched down to curl in on himself. Tears dripped down his chin, and he hadn’t even realized he was holding back tears. The reality of it all was sinking in. Sobs of laughter erupting from his chest as he tried to just wrap his head around the whole thing. 

He was doing it. He was about to off himself in some abandoned building. He planned it. Every little sick detail down to what minute he was going to jump from the roof of this decrepit hospital. 

Funny, isn't it? Jumping from the roof of an abandoned hospital. A place he was so scared to go because his mother would make them run all kinds of tests on him to make sure he wasn’t sick. 

He looked down at his watch, rubbing the tears from his eyes. He was five minutes late. Maybe he shouldn't even bother at this point. Maybe he should just go running back to Mommy and be a good little girl. No, maybe he should just go home and pack and become a runaway. 

But run away to where? He had no place in mind. He had death planned for him tonight, and that was final. 

Eddie took a deep breath, standing up and clutching the note in his hand again. His story. It probably wouldn't even be read. Who the hell even comes out here?

Just a suicidal teenager with nothing for him back at home.

His black converse stepped back up to the ledge as he felt the wind blow around him. This was it. He closed his eye and lifted his foot to take a step-

"Whoa-! Someone else is here? And all the way up here? I thought I was a thrill-seeker but look at you! You're just hanging off the edge!"

Eddie whipped around and looked at the other boy in front of him. Was this his brain playing tricks on him? "W-Who- who the hell are you?" He asked, plans slipping through his fingers like a fist full of sand.

"Huh? Oh- hah! I totally forgot to say 'hi' first!" The other spoke, coming closer, putting his camera down. His gaudy Hawaiian shirt became clearer, and his giant glasses came into focus. "The name is Richard Tozier. But you can call me Richie, or Rich, or Daddy, if you prefer, cutie-"

"I will call you no such thing," Eddie nearly shrieked, covering his ears and closing his eyes. His brain seemed to just be looping the same thought- 'whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck'.

"Just a joke, dude, don't get your panties in a twist," The boy- Richie, teased, walking up and plopping down to take a seat next to Eddie, legs hanging off of the edge of the building."I'm just excited to see another urban explorer around here. I've been planning on traveling the country to see all kinds of spooky abandoned buildings but- I just never had anyone to do it with. Kind of lonely to go by yourself, you know? Which is why I vlog about it." 

The curly-haired boy rambled, and Eddie was dumbfounded. Absolutely astonished. He sat down then too, papers still tightly grasped in his hands. This boy had just walked in on him about to kill himself and he is so- calm and collected about it. Did he actually think he was also an 'urban explorer'? Or was he just really good at playing dumb? 

"Wait, you... do this sort of thing for fun?" The brunette asked, eyebrows furrowed as he looked over to Richie.

"Yeah! You’re telling me you don't? What the hell you here for then? Lose a dare?" The very obnoxiously dressed boy questioned. 

"You could say it was something like that..." the smaller of the two trailed off, eyes looking off to the tree line in front of them. 

He didn't know how long he stared off for, but he had a hand waving in front of him shortly after, catching his attention. "Uhhh hello? Earth to space boy! Get your head out of the clouds, I didn't even catch your name." The grin Richie was sporting was enough to make Eddie's pale cheeks pink as he whipped his head in the other direction.

He didn't even know what to say to him. 'Edith,' his mouth wanted to say, 'Edith Kaspbrak'. But that wasn't right. He wasn't with his mother. He wasn't in his disgusting transphobic town. Not to mention this kid thought he was a boy from the beginning.

It was strange. Being called what you've longed to be called for so long. It was like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. 

"Edward..." he started, almost sounding unsure of himself before he cleared his throat and tried again, "Edward Kaspbrak. T-That’s my name.."

If Richie could tell he was clearly nervous about what he was saying, he didn't let on, instead, his smile grew impossibly wider. "Edward huh? Mind if I call you Eds? Or should I jump straight to calling you mine?" 

"Absolutely not. I agree to neither of those." The small brunette cut him off, shaking his head. "We just met. I don't even know where you're from or how old you are." With a huff, he crossed his arms and turned slightly to Richie, who was leaning back in his hands, simply considering Eddie's words. 

"Well- I'm from a town not too far from here. I graduated school two years ago and ever since I've been itching for something new. My job paid good money but it just... wasn't enough. I need an adventure, you know? So, I started Vlogging my experience as a way to start." The thoughtful look in those grey eyes has Eddie melting. But, he didn't miss that first sentence. 

"Richie Tozier- shit, dude. You mean 'Star of The Track Team and Straight A Student' Richie Tozier?" It all fell into place. Richie was a senior at Derry High School when Eddie was a sophomore. He remembered hearing about him- but he never once actually saw the guy. Up until now, that is. 

"Hah- Yeah, that's me. Don't do much running anymore though. I turned to working at the local radio station and doing gigs with my band on weekends. I saved up enough to buy a car, a camera, and started saving for my trip ever since. I have enough money saved for me and half a person. Isn't that wild? The station and the bar owner paid me big just for some easy work."

He was rambling again, Eddie noticed. He must do that often. Not that he minded. The silence filler was more than welcomed. That was until he continued-

"Kaspbrak though? Isn't that the name of that crazy bitch two houses down the road from me on Main Street?"

God this conversation couldn't have gotten any worse. 

"Y-Yeah- that’s... my mom..." Eddie was practically quaking in his shoes. He half debated sliding off the edge now. He did not want to ruin whatever this was blossoming between him and the Tozier boy. 

"Wow dude, I'm so sorry for you. That hag is nuts. I didn't know she had a son- though I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she holed you up in that house all your life like she did her daughter."

Oh. Well, this could work. "Y-Yeah- she did the same thing to me. Being her first child though she was much more protective over me. I mean- look at me. I'm an eighteen-year-old boy whose obviously out of shape." He joked at himself, moving to copy Richie's sitting position at this point.

Richie didn't stay leaning back for long though, as he sat up and looked at Eddie, a seriousness in his face that was off-putting even if Eddie had only known him for less than an hour. "Come with me. I'm sure you can't keep living like that forever. Let's both have a second chance to start new."

There was silence. The only sound filling the void being Eddie's heartbeat, and he certainly hoped Richie couldn't hear it. 

"You- w-what?" He stuttered, disbelief clear on his face. If someone had told him this morning that his plan to kill himself would be thrown out the window and replaced with the offer the leave town and never look back, he probably would have scoffed and flipped them off. But now? 

His shoulders shook as he thought about it. A second chance. A new life. A fresh start. It was all so appealing. At this point, he couldn't even find a reason to say no. Even if this was all just a ploy. Maybe Richie was going to kidnap him and kill him. At least the end result would be just about what he expected it to be. 

All in all? He had nothing to lose here. 

"Okay. Yeah, I'll come with you."

The words were easy. No nervous stuttering, or anxiety fogging his brain. Clear and simple. From this moment on, his next few steps outside of the building would no longer be as Edith Kaspbrak, sick daughter to a sick mother. No, they would be as Eddie Kasprak. Eighteen-year-old adventurer. 

What a way to start off his next chapter.


	2. An Unexpected Change In Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Richie go their separate ways, only to have a slight change in plans.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
> -Sonia's A+ parenting  
> -Sonia telling Eddie that him being trans is "a sickness"  
> -Mild physical abuse (from Sonia, of course. No hitting, just getting into personal space)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm not dead! With all kinds of irl stuff going on and zero motivation, I haven't done much the past few months,,, But! I'm here with an update or two! This chapter and the next were originally one big chapter, but I felt like they were too long/too much information together so I split them in half. I hope you don't mind!

The pair stayed that way for a while, legs hanging off of the roof as they leaned back and talked about whatever. Life in Derry, mostly. Richie had confessed to being bisexual, and Eddie- well, Eddie hadn't exactly come out. He did, however, tell Richie he was gay, and that is why his mother never let him leave the house. 

"Seriously? It's so weird thinking how different parents are-" the curly-haired boy had said, raising his hands in the air in frustration, "My parents didn't really get it at first but that didn’t mean they kicked me out or locked me up. Your mom is seriously disgusting."

Those words still rang in his head. He didn't know it was possible for parents to actually accept their children for things they did or liked. 

Eventually, the sun began to set, and Richie whispered a quiet 'shit' under his breath. "We should get going. The woods get super dark at night, wouldn't want a monster to get you."

Though the joke was supposed to be funny, Eddie's heart immediately jumped in his throat and he stood. "O-Okay- let’s go then," he turned and began heading out, turning back to Richie once he realized the other wasn't following. The boy had a thoughtful look on his face, "Hey, Earth to Richard, let's haul ass! I'd like to get home to start packing if that's okay with you."

The tanner boy blinked and shook his head, laughing softly as he stood up and followed the other boy. "Okay, Eddie Spaghetti, let's get this show on the road-" 

"Okay- definitely don't call me that-"

"Come on, Eds! Let me have a fun nickname for you!" Richie hollered back. 

Their bickering continued as they made their way down the winding halls of the abandoned building and out the front doors. It had gotten significantly darker by the time they made it out, but Richie was prepared with a large flashlight in his bag and a spectacular knowledge of the woods. 

An hour and some more bickering later, they were bathing in the light of the street lamps and heading their separate ways, plans to meet down by the local pharmacy already concocted and put away for later use. 

It wasn't that simple though.

It never was.

Sonia Kaspbrak was on him in an instant. "Young lady where on earth have you been? I was afraid some man might have come and kidnapped you! What were you thinking?!" Her tight grip had him shaking, biting his lip in slight defiance. He wasn't going to say a word. 

"Edith Jane Kaspbrak, you tell me this instant. I will not tolerate your rebellious behavior. You have done nothing but disappoint me. Don't you see how much it hurts me to be upset with you? I want to be happy with you, I really do, but you make it so hard," her well-manicured nails poked him in the chest, pressing him back and back-

His back hit the closed door behind him. Heart beating out of his chest, and feeling like he couldn't breathe. 

'It's probably because this pig is crowding all your air' a voice rang in his head. But, he didn't act on it. Instead, he stood there, wheezing, eyebrows furrowing together as he desperately looked for a way out. 

The corner of his eye caught on his mother's purse. It wasn't enough to hurt her, but definitely enough to throw her off guard. His hand moved before he could think, fingers wrapping around the straps of the bag and using the strength he had left to whip it at his mother's side. 

Despite the bag being light, the sudden assault was enough to do the job, and she stumbled, hand retracting from Eddie as he made an immediate beeline for his room. 

The door slammed and locked behind him as he took a chair and shoved it under the doorknob for good measure. A few steps allowed him enough time to breathe as he began running around his room packing. Tears rushed from his eyes and dripped on everything as he went, but he had no time to wipe them. He needed to go, and he needed to go now. 

It was a few minutes, but his mother's yelling soon turned to pound on the door. Louder and louder and louder- he wasn't sure how much he could take. He just packed the necessities and walked to the window.

He remembers sneaking out of it a few times to go walk around the town at night, just by himself. He popped the screen off and placed it inside, turning and grabbing his bags after. They each made their way out onto the ledge, one by one, until he himself made his way onto the ledge and tossed them to the ground below as gently as he could. 

He took the tree down to the ground, brown eyes looking up at the sound of his mother screaming and crying from inside. 

"Eddie Bear," she cried, wailing on the door harder, "how could you do this to me? How could you do this to your mother? You're sick, Edith!"

He just shook his head, gathering his bags up again. "I'm not the one who’s sick," the boy whispered, dragging his belongings along with him. He didn't know where he was going, but he let his black shoe clad feet carry him in whatever direction they deemed appropriate.

That direction happened to be two houses down to a certain trash mouth's house. 

He only waited a beat before a nice lady probably about his mother's age answered the door. "Hi," he started, finally taking a moment to breathe and wipe his eyes, "is Richie here? I'm... I'm a friend of his..." 

There was silence. A long moment where the woman looked like she was trying to decipher his entire being before a smile pulled to her lips when she noticed the suitcases. "Oh! You must be Eddie, come on in, he has been talking about you nonstop since he got home! Richard-" she turned and called, closing the door behind Eddie when he stepped inside, "Eddie is here!" 

That must have caught the curly-haired boy's attention because he was downstairs in an instant, eyebrows furrowed eyes concerned. "Hey man, everything okay? We weren't supposed to leave until tomorr-"

The rest of the word died in his throat because Eddie was on him in an instant, hugging him and shaking like a leaf against his chest. It was only then that Richie realized he had been crying when he came in. "Shit- okay, okay," the taller boy wrapped his arms around the smaller and looked around. "I'll grab your bags, why don’t you head up to my room and chill on the bed? I apologize for the mess, I'm still packing before my friends come over for a last-second send-off."

The brunette just gave a nod and turned to the stairs, climbing up them and easily finding Richie's room from the light flooding out into the empty hallway. It was a bit of a mess, but an organized one at that. Band and movie posters littered the walls, and suitcases filled with clothes lay on the floor by the bed. In the corner on a desk, a laptop sat open, a video editing application open and a half edited video sitting in the tracks. Haphazardly folded clothes were tossed across the mattress, and out of pure stress and need to feel like he wasn’t just taking up space, Eddie came and sat on the bed to fold the clothes properly.

That’s how he was situated when Richie came up with his bags, setting them by his door. “You don’t have to-” “It’s giving me something to do with my hands, just… please let me…”

The older boy looked torn, eyebrows furrowing before letting out a dejected sigh. “Alrighty, Eddie Spaghetti, but that means you can’t not tell me about what happened with your mom. You don’t have to say anything right now- just… eventually, okay?”

As much as the smaller boy would like to decline, the look in the vlogger's eyes made him give out a soft sigh. "Fine... I'll tell you. Eventually," a small smile pulled at his lips and he could immediately see the other light up. 

"Awesome! Oh- I can't wait for you to meet the band, they're super chill. Bev will probably fall in love with you immediately," Richie chuckled, imagining the girl taking a liking to the small boy. 

"The- the band...? Could you- maybe tell me about them? Just so I don't seem like an idiot when they get here."

And so Richie did. He told Eddie all about his band- "The Loser's Club", consisting of his high school friends Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough, and Stanley Uris. 

He explained that He was the lead singer mostly, and would occasionally play the acoustic guitar if Beverly wasn't there, since she doubled as a fashion major at the local college. Bill was their bassist, Mike was their electric guitarist, and Ben was their drummer. Stan was mainly their manager, getting them gigs at local bars or even setting up some concerts on the stage at the park if he could. And they did all their band stuff while juggling jobs and, in some of their cases, college as well. 

Needless to say, Eddie was kind of amazed. He didn't really realize the band wasn't just some garage or basement band that never saw the light of day. "Do... do you have a CD? Or- like, do you upload your songs online somewhere?"

"Babe, everything is online nowadays. Why, you want to hear it?" 

The small boy's cheeks lit up at the name, a mumbled "don't call me that," followed by a nod was enough for Richie though. The taller boy turned around and opened a new tab on his laptop, typing away and pulling up their songs on Spotify. 

"You want to hear some covers or you want to hear some originals?" The curly-haired boy asked, raising his eyebrow as he turned his head to look over his shoulder. 

"Um... a cover," he hummed tapping his chin in thought, "to start."


	3. Meeting The Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie meets the Loser's Club, and has some mixed emotions.
> 
> No real warnings for this chapter I don't think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading the third chapter today as an apology for taking so long to get them out! Enjoy!

It took a minute and some thought later, but Richie was soon pulling up their cover of 'Your Love' by The Outfield. The familiar music came flooding from the speakers and Eddie couldn't help but bob his head along. That was until the vocals kicked in, and he was stunned still. 

"This- This is you?" He asked, clearly not believing it. 

"Yup- yours truly. Want me to give you a personal concert or something?"

"No- I mean- no thank you. It's just- that's amazing, you know? You- y-your band sounds amazing-"

"Awe, you don't have to flatter us. We aren't that great," a voice piped up from the doorway, and Eddie turned to see a girl with flaming red hair. She was leaning against the doorframe, hands in the pockets of her cropped jean jacket, and one leg crossing in front of the other, knees poking out of her ripped black jeans. 

"Bev! I didn't know you'd be here so early!" The tall boy grinned, stopping the music to stand up and greet the girl, who grinned and welcomed him into her arms easily. 

"Not just me, everyone's here, they're just trying to juggle out of stan's tiny grandma car." The girl, Beverly it seemed, laughed and pointed her thumb down the hall behind her, where the rest of the boys were making their way up the stairs. 

As they all made their way into the room, Richie hugged and greeted them, turning to introduce them all to the brunette awkwardly sitting on his bed. "Everyone, this is Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie, this is Bev, Ben, Bill, Mike, and Stan." As he said their names, he went around the room, pointing them out so his small companion could see who was who. 

At the last name, a few eyebrows raised. Most of them were familiar with the crazy woman, but not many of them knew about her daughter. So when Beverly stared at Eddie with so much knowledge behind those eyes, he nearly threw up. But, she must have seen the anxiety written all over his face as she brought her fingers up to her lips in a zipping motion, a final comforting wink slapped on at the end. He could have honest to god kissed her at that moment. 

"Huh. Didn't know she had a son- did she keep you homeschooled or something?" Ben piped up, tilting his head a bit. 

"Ah- well... you could say it was something like that. I went to the same school you guys did- I was just a sophomore when you all graduated." He seemed a little embarrassed to admit that he was two or so years younger than everyone. Almost as if it was wrong. 

"That explains a lot. I never did pay much mind to the kids below us," Stan admitted, shrugging it off. If any of their names hold true to the rumors, they were all straight-A students. So they probably had more to worry about than their underclassmen.

Mike sent a glance over in Stan’s direction, one that practically oozed ‘dude, watch it’ all over it. As if Eddie would be offended by the fact his upperclassman didn’t notice him throughout the year. Which, was far from true. If anything he was glad they didn’t. It would have just made the situation more awkward. 

The group shifted their focus from Eddie to Richie, seeing as they had come to say goodbye to their friend before he left in the morning. The boys were loud and boisterous, joking and bringing up memories from their childhood, as if this would be the last time they saw their friend. Beverly, on the other hand, came to sit next to Eddie. It was clear she wanted to ask him something, but didn’t know how to bring it up. 

Eddie, on the other hand, had practiced countless times on how he’d bring it up to his mom. How he did bring it up to his mom. 

“Dysphoria,” he started, clearly catching her off guard, “It's called gender dysphoria. It's when you don’t feel like your emotional or physical self is that of the gender you were born as-” he caught his lip between his teeth, obviously stuttering over how to continue. “It- It's obviously deeper than that and it's kind of hard to explain but-” 

“Eddie,” Her soothing voice stopped him in his tracks, a grin forming on her glossed lips, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. In Fact, that's not what I was going to ask about, but I’m happy to know.” The red head’s hands came to hold it between them, the soft look in her eyes now serious and concerned.

“Rich told us about how he met you. I know you weren’t there on a dare or ‘just cause’. I’ve been there, hun. You are so much stronger than you think. Don’t you ever think you aren’t. I know you have Rich now, but if you ever need someone to talk to-” She pulled her phone out and held her hand out, as if asking for Eddie’s. With mild reluctance, he handed it to her and watched as her face contorted into one of confusion when she saw it was just a flip phone. 

“Um… here’s my phone number.” she typed the number into the device and handed it back to Eddie. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” and with that, she stood, bringing his hands to her lips for a gentle kiss and heading over to join the rest of the band.

Eddie watched them converse for what felt like hours. Occasionally they’d turn to include him in a story, filling him in on what happened. It felt… safe. Like a family. One he never had the chance to have.

After some final goodbyes, everyone left, each loser waving their final goodbyes before exiting the house to return to their own for the night. 

“Sorry that took so long, they act like I don’t have a phone and I’ll be coming back in a few months. We both will,” Richie sat next to him, head tilting slightly as he looked at his watch. “Shit, we should get to bed. We have to be up in a few hours.”

With that, the taller boy stood, shoving everything in his bags and putting them off to the side. “You can have the bed,” Richie called from the hallway as he grabbed something from the nearby closet, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Eddie didn’t even have time to protest before Richie was unraveling a sleeping bag and laying it out on the carpeted floor. He changed, not even caring that Eddie was in the room before laying down in the bag and fiddling with his phone. Probably setting an alarm. 

“If you need to use the bathroom and shower or anything its across the hall, help yourself. Towels are on under the sink.

The smaller boy wasted no time in taking up that offer, grabbing one of his bags and taking it to the bathroom with a silent ‘thank you’. After the door was securely shut and locked behind him, he slid down the wood to the floor, rubbing his face with his hands. 

This was going to be a long couple of months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending! I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!

**Author's Note:**

> Come give me your input over at my tumblr, @ aero-babey, or leave a comment below! I really appreciate it!


End file.
